I tend to jump into activities feet first, never really thinking of how this new responsibility might affect my personal time. As I age, I try to take the time to consider all sides of the argument before I agree. But, now that my daily schedule is free of any job related tasks that I choose not to do anymore, I think 24 hours is more like 36 or 40..Can I cram more into my day than I did before? Do I have more energy and enthusiasm?
Well, yes, I do have more time and I do have more positive energy. And I know what I want to do. I know where I want to spend my time. I have projects that are very dear to my heart that I want to accomplish.
A young technician remarked to me yesterday during a conversation about retirement that she was pushing her dad, who happened to be the same vintage as me, to retire soon, so he could “enjoy the days he has left”..I understand her sentiment, but her choice of words left me pondering and a tad troubled. First I gave closer regard to the reflection looking back at me in the mirror. Yes, 57 leaves some battle scars, probably more than I can actually see with my deteriorating eye sight and lack of X-ray vision. After I considered my physicality, I considered my energy and focus. I realize this morning that subconsciously, I assume to prove a point to myself, I stayed up till after 1 am finishing up some orders and projects. I get in a zen state when I quilt and I hate to stop until I am done..old habits do die hard.
I have had so many all nighters in my lifetime..finishing yearbook pages in high school, writing papers in University, lettering all night at college, constructing costumes for my daughter’s drama experience..the only times it was difficult to stay awake all night was when I was nursing sick children and while watching my dear sweet Mom slowly leave us. The energy of a creative pursuit can carry me through and leave me energy for the next day. Worry and caring for another doesn’t have the same effect. Overwhelming loss is unbearable and you lose all sense of time and your place in the universe.
At my ripe old age, should I be allowing myself to do keep this late hours anymore while I pursue creativity? Perhaps 1 am is my new limit. I did let myself laze in bed this morning until after 8 and then remembered to do those stretches that help get my decades old neck muscles ready for another day. Maybe I am learning to create a balance in order to continue.
I do have a new to me project to share very soon. With this project I have committed myself yet again to more personal time, but the need tugged at my heart strings and I did give it quite a bit of consideration before I made it “real”. People have amazingly jumped on board with me and I think this can be an enriching experience for everyone involved.
Watch for a dedicated post soon...Right now I have to get another decaf and get moving on today’s goals and objectives. Only 14 and a half hours left in my day and there is so much to be done.